It’s never a good sign when a celebrity gets a monkey. It wasn’t for Michael Jackson; it wasn’t, one can argue, for Ronald Reagan; and it certainly didn’t presage anything good for teen heartthrob and Holocaust-awareness educator Justin Bieber, who was so unfit a caregiver to his capuchin monkey, Mally, that the German authorities were forced to confiscate the wee primate for his own safety.
Would that they could have done the same for young Master Bieber, whose annus horribilis has now spilled in spectacular fashion into 2014. He was arrested for a DUI in Florida. He’s now being formally charged—and may stand trial—for assaulting a limo driver in Toronto. Once he inspired viral videos of undying devotion professed by weeping women aged 3 and 103 (“and” is not a typo); now more than 100,000 people have signed an online petition demanding the poor little son-of-a-gun be immediately deported to the frozen North from which he came, where, disgraced, he will presumably take the black and join the brothers of the Night’s Watch. (Game of Thrones is coming back soon. Sue me; I’m excited.)
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From Tablet Magazine
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